The Risk of Love

"The risk of love is loss, and the price of
loss is grief. But the pain of grief is only
a shadow when compared with the pain
of never risking love."
Hilary Stanton Zunin

We've had to deal with a death today.

We didn't want to, and we didn't expect
to, but we get to deal with it anyway.

Death is hard to deal with, even when
you're expecting it. It's harder when it's
a surprise.

You feel like you've been blindsided,
unprepared, no chance to get your
defenses up.

No cocoon of armor to wrap yourself
in, to be safe from your feelings. So
all you can do is let the feelings wash
over you, and FEEL them.

It's not very comfortable. And it's even
worse when you realize that you're
resenting the person who died for
springing this on you so suddenly.

Slowly the waves of emotion slow down
and what's left is the grief and loss. And
as you get centered in that, perhaps the
wisdom in our quote comes to mind.

When you love, you risk loss. So how
can we avoid that? By not loving?

We know that's not the right answer.
All we can do is accept that grief is
a part of life. If we love and are loved
we'll have great joy and great grief.

The good news is that grief passes,
but love endures. We can be grateful
for that.
---Wes Hopper

From One Father to Another

This isn’t the way I planned it, God. Not at all. My child being born in a stable? This isn’t the way I thought it would be. A cave with sheep and donkeys, hay and straw? My wife giving birth with only the stars to hear her pain?

This isn’t at all what I imagined. No, I imagined family. I imagined grandmothers. I imagined neighbors clustered outside the door and friends standing at my side. I imagined the house erupting with the first cry of the infant. Slaps on the back. Loud laughter. Jubilation.

That’s how I thought it would be.

But now…Who will celebrate with us? The sheep? The shepherds?

The stars?

This doesn’t seem right. What kind of husband am I? I provide no midwife to aid my wife. No bed to rest her back. Her pillow is a blanket from my donkey.

Did I miss something? Did I, God?

When you sent the angel and spoke of the son being born—this isn’t what I pictured. I envisioned Jerusalem, the temple, the priests, and the people gathered to watch. A pageant perhaps. A parade. A banquet at least. I mean, this is the Messiah!

Or, if not born in Jerusalem, how about Nazareth? Wouldn’t Nazareth have been better? At least there I have my house and my business. Out here, what do I have? A weary mule, a stack of firewood, and a pot of warm water. This is not the way I wanted it to be!... Forgive me for asking but … is this how God enters the world? The coming of the angel, I’ve accepted. The questions people asked about the pregnancy, I can tolerate. The trip to Bethlehem, fine. But why a birth in a stable, God?

Any minute now Mary will give birth. Not to a child, but to the Messiah. Not to an infant, but to God. That’s what the angel said. That’s what Mary believes. And, God, my God, that’s what I want to believe. But surely you can understand; it’s not easy. It seems so … so … so … bizarre.

I’m unaccustomed to such strangeness, God. I’m a carpenter. I make things fit. I square off the edges. I follow the plumb line. I measure twice before I cut once. Surprises are not the friend of a builder. I like to know the plan. I like to see the plan before I begin.

But this time I’m not the builder, am I? This time I’m a tool. A hammer in your grip. A nail between your fingers. A chisel in your hands. This project is yours, not mine.

One Incredible Savior. I guess it’s foolish of me to question you. Forgive my struggling. Trust doesn’t come easy to me, God. But you never said it would be easy, did you?

One final thing, Father. The angel you sent? Any chance you could send another? If not an angel, maybe a person? I don’t know anyone around here and some company would be nice. Maybe the innkeeper or a traveler? Even a shepherd would do.

Here and Now

"Hold with faith and purpose the vision of yourself in the better environment, but act upon your present environment with all your heart, and with all your strength, and with all your mind." Wallace Wattles

Have you ever found yourself waiting to take action on your dreams until something happens?

You wait for more information, you wait for more time, you wait for more help, you wait for the kids to graduate, you wait, and wait, and you wait.

How's that working for you?

Just type out today's quote and paste it up where you have to see it.

I don't care how complicated and busy your life is. There's always
something that you can be doing!

Get really clear about what your vision looks like. Imagine yourself in that vision like it was a movie. Imagine yourself taking the actions
that will bring that vision into reality.

Feel the power, feel the joy, feel the accomplishment!

Then identify the first step that you have to take in that direction, and
get busy, putting your whole heart, mind and strength into it.

It doesn't have to be a big step, in fact, little steps are better. You can
celebrate every one.
The only place you can act is HERE.
The only time you can act is NOW.

The world is waiting. Go!

Five to One

"For a relationship to succeed, the frequency of positive comments has to outweigh negative remarks by about five to one. In other words, it takes five instances of agreement and support to undo the harm caused by a single criticism." Richard Wiseman

We're fortunate that there are people who are so curious about why people do what they do that they spend their whole lives studying behavior. That way we don't have to guess, we can just read the research!

Our quote today refers to the results of many studies of couples in relationships. The researchers were looking for factors which predicted
which couples would stay together or separate.

The research gives us a good reason to bite our tongue when we're tempted
to say something critical. We now know that it will cost us at least five compliments to make up for it!

I suspect that the research would be valid for other kinds of relationships, too. Business relationships, friends, family members, especially parents and children. That offhand critical remark can last for a long time. It's just not worth it.

There's an old saying that I heard as a kid many times - "If you can't say
something nice, don't say anything at all."

Now we have the research to prove it's good advice.

An old farmer's advice

*Your fences need to be horse-high, pig-tight and bull-strong.

* Words that soak into your ears are whispered...not yelled.
* Meanness don't jes' happen overnight.
* Forgive your enemies. It messes up their heads.
* Do not corner something that you know is meaner than you.
* It don't take a very big person to carry a grudge.
* You cannot unsay a cruel word.
* Every path has a few puddles.
* When you wallow with pigs, expect to get dirty.

* The best sermons are lived, not preached.
* Most of the stuff people worry about ain't never gonna happen anyway.
* Don't judge folks by their relatives.
* Remember that silence is sometimes the best answer.
* Live a good, honorable life. Then when you get older and think back, you'll enjoy it a second time.
* Don't interfere with somethin' that ain't botherin' you none.
* Timing has a lot to do with the outcome of a rain dance.
* If you find yourself in a hole, the first thing to do is stop diggin'.

* Sometimes you get, and sometimes you get got.
* The biggest troublemaker, you'll probably ever have to deal with, watches you from the mirror every mornin'.
* Always drink upstream from the herd.
* Good judgment comes from experience, and a lotta that comes from bad judgment.
* Lettin' the cat outta the bag is a whole lot easier than puttin' it back in.

* If you get to thinkin' you're a person of some influence, try orderin' somebody else's dog around.
* Live simply. Love generously. Care deeply. Speak kindly.

Leave the rest to God.

Handwriting on the Wall

A weary mother returned from the store,
Lugging groceries through the kitchen door.
Awaiting her arrival was her 8 year old son,
Anxious to relate what his younger brother had done.

"While I was out playing and Dad was on a call,
T.J. took his crayons and wrote on the wall!
It's on the new paper you just hung in the den.
I told him you'd be mad at having to do it again."

She let out a moan and furrowed her brow,
"Where is your little brother right now?"
She emptied her arms and with a purposeful stride,
She marched to his closet where he had gone to hide.

She called his full name as she entered his room.
He trembled with fear--he knew that meant doom!
For the next ten minutes, she ranted and raved
About the expensive wallpaper and how she had saved.

Lamenting all the work it would take to repair,
She condemned his actions and total lack of care.
The more she scolded, the madder she got,
Then stomped from his room, totally distraught!

She headed for the den to confirm her fears.
When she saw the wall, her eyes flooded with tears.
The message she read pierced her soul with a dart.
It said, "I love Mommy," surrounded by a heart.

Well, the wallpaper remained, just as she found it,
With an empty picture frame hung to surround it.
A reminder to her, and indeed to all,
Take time to read the handwriting on the wall

Feeling Good

"When you feel good about yourself, others will feel good about you, too." Jake Steinfeld

Many of us are brought up in families where we're taught that saying good things about ourselves is being conceited. The message that we as little kids get from that is that we're really not that good after all. There's something wrong about feeling good about ourselves. You can see that this is just a destructive belief pattern passed down in the family from parents to kids. It's not intended to be malicious, but it's destructive in what it teaches us about ourselves.

Some of us spend our whole lives trying to be good enough to be worth feeling good about ourselves, and never quite making it. The fact is, there's a big difference between feeling good about yourself and being conceited. Here's how to tell the difference.

Conceit compares you to others. Self esteem does not. Healthy self esteem is necessary for success in life. As our quote says, if we like ourselves, others will, too. And it's hard to be successful without the partnership of others.

So how are you doing with liking yourself? Do you feel genuinely good about yourself? Would you want to be friends with you? You're actually a pretty nice person, you know.

Give yourself a hug!